I opened up the book and read the first chapter or crash course as the book refers to it before I left Barnes and Noble's parking lot. I was hooked. As I have been reading the book, it has made me reflect on my own educational journey. The things I have learned along the way, things that have made me a better teacher or just a better human being.
Every year about this time - I start thinking about that first year. I really cannot put into words the amount of growth that occurred during that time. There are days where I wish I could go back and tell that first year teacher things but in reality there is no way I would ever want to relive that year.
One day I want to write a book like Kim Bearden or Phillip Done who wrote 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny. If you have not read it, you should! It will make you laugh and possibly cry.
Courage
John Wayne says "courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyways". It took courage to go to school every day that first year. College did not quite prepare me for the inadequacy that would constantly be present during that first year. A little background: I got my first job(s) at the beginning of August with about two weeks to prepare a classroom, get familiar with curriculum, etc. Here's where it gets interesting...I did not just get one job, I got two! I was hired to teach half day kindergarten and about 30 minutes later I was offered to teach half day pre-kindergarten at another school across town. Sounds easy, right? I was naive enough to believe it. My naivety probably saved my sanity during that year. In some ways, all the things that first year teachers get to experience, I was able to experience it twice in some instances. I felt inadequate often. It did not matter how late I worked, how much preparation went into a lesson or how cute either of those classrooms were. I was spread way beyond my maximum capacity. I was responsible for some of that spreading (who goes to graduate school when they have two part time jobs that are full time jobs) and the continuous late nights where I closed the school building. I exhausted myself early on and cried many a tear. It took courage to get up every day and do it over and over. The same lessons were not being taught but there was always feelings of inadequacy. Around October, I learned to let some things go and swam until May. There are days I wish I could give those children a do over. I know they learned but I am a far better teacher today than I was back then. However, those first two classes were such a huge part of my growth. The last day of school came and I felt as though I had run a marathon and lived to tell about it! I credit that year with amazing organizational skills (I already had some) because I was toting materials and my life in my car as I was also a commuter. I also credit some lessons in time management. My plan that year was also a part of my commute time which was not far but it was my only break in the day.
Chemistry
Building relationships is critical to success. I think families would tell you it is a strength. I wish I had seen the importance of it during that first year. I was so bogged down in the teaching and all the other stuff that I feel as though I missed opportunities along the way. If I could tell the 23 year old recent college graduate to stop worrying about the paperwork and worry more about the children, I would. Bearden talks about this in her book, chapter one. She talks about it in relation to specific students. Nine years later, I still have those students who are at the forefront of my mind. The ones that I always wish I could have done more for. That is not to say that I did not give it my everything but there are seeds you plant that you do not get to see grow, flowers you do not always get to see bloom. That is one of the hardest parts of this job. There is not always immediate feedback. You definitely will not always get feedback from a colleague or an administrator. It is really important to listen so I have to learned to listen to the ones who can give immediate, honest feedback.
My first year for my first formal observation, I planned this lesson to go along with the book A Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle. It was simple. In my mind, I knew exactly how it was going to go, which might have been my biggest problem. My administrator came and watched the lesson. It was rocky in the beginning and filled with simple imperfections in the middle and to be honest I do not remember the ending. I remember I was filled with angst about how it was not perfect and my administrator was going to deem me unfit to teach children. She gave me positives and made suggestions and nine years later apparently I am fit to teach. So at the end of that year, my half day class is sitting in a circle on the last day of school reflecting on our year. There were typical responses of recess and P.E. as being their favorite things about school. However, one of my little boys mentions the spider web lesson. I was in shock! In fact, I said, "you mean when we used the yarn to give each other compliments" and he proceeds to talk in depth about that lesson that was in October. It was a huge reality check and inspirational. I want to be remembered for those types of things --- the other stuff including the meetings, paper work, and deadlines can surely wait.
Love
The Beatles said "all you need is love". I am most definitely sure that they lied. However, love is imperative. I think one of the mistakes I made as a first year teacher is I wanted to be loved. Who does not? You learn rather quickly (at least I did) that children will learn they are loved by the expectations, boundaries, and routines that are provided. This can be difficult at times. There's this saying "the children who need love the most will ask for it in the most unloving of ways". I believe it. I have experienced it.
My second year in first grade I had a little boy in my class who I had watched during his kindergarten year. When I had a student teacher in the Spring the year before, I ate lunch with him a few times because he often sat by himself. I prayed he would end up in my class. In the Fall, he was on my roster. Jesus has a sense of humor. I spent the majority of the year trying to find out what he was interested in because one of his favorite sayings was "this sucks". There were times when he would blurt it out in the middle of a lesson. He climbed under tables, hid under my bathtub in my class library, and wanted to go to the bathroom ALL the time. It was obvious he was avoiding instruction and doing anything that he thought would frustrate me. I loved him but he took every ounce of patience and love that the good Lord gifted me with that year.
We went around and around during that year. He never gave hugs to me. The only time he smiled was when he was mischievous. On the 99th day of our year together, we are working in small math groups and I have him with me along with a few other children. The other children got up to put materials away and he looked at me and said "I love you, Mrs. Pogue". It was the only time he ever told me he loved me but I will remember it forever.
Play
One of my favorite quotes by Mr. Rogers is "when we treat children's play as seriously as it deserves, we are helping them feel the joy that's to be found in the creative spirit. It's the things we play with and the people who help us play that make a great difference in our lives.”
One of my biggest mistakes that first year was I did not play enough. Play needs to be structured and can be used to meet academic standards. I knew it nine years ago but I did not live it. My stress level probably would have declined if I had enjoyed the profession more.
Optimism
I am a sunshine pumper. I look at life (for the most part) and see that the glass is half full. Bearden talks about spreading your own sunshine. I really believe it. It becomes easy to focus on the negativity that surrounds the profession. The problem is focusing on the negativity of a situation does not get you anywhere. In my mind, negativity is like quick sand. You can focus on everything that is wrong but before you realize it, you are sinking in everything that is wrong. That is not to say that I do not have negative thoughts or feelings. I have really worked on this area the past couple of years. When I get in a negative mind set, I try to focus on even the simplest positive thought to get out of my rut. I have also been blessed to be surrounded by people who make me laugh. If you can make me laugh, you are a keeper. I truly believe it is the best medicine.
Expectations
Expectations are tri fold. There are the expectations we have of ourselves, our colleagues, and the children in our class. My expectations tend to be high on all accounts.
I do not like being able to do it all --- I know, it is virtually impossible. However, I hold myself to an insane expectation. There is a quote about the only person you are competing with is yourself. It is true. I am my biggest competitor. I tend to think I gauge my own success by meeting expectations I set for myself. I am a goal oriented, list maker. It depends on the day whether or not I would consider this a strength or a weakness. One of the biggest lessons I have learned throughout the years is embracing even the difficult part of my personality.
With that said I tend to have high expectations for others, whether I work with you or you are just a friend because if I am hard on myself then I expect for you to function just like me. I have learned over the years that shockingly not every individual -- whether colleague or friend functions just like me. Surprise! I think it is valuable that I have learned to embrace my own difficult aspects of my personality. It has also been humbling to work with others who exhibit high expectations in a way that might be different from my own.
I have high expectations in my classroom. I expect things from the little ones that some might say "that is too hard", "they cannot do that", or "that I am unreasonable".
This past year, I had a parent who thought all of the above and then some. It really caused me to reflect on my practice and my high expectations of students. At the end of the day, I believe in high expectations. If children see that I believe that they are capable of meeting high expectations than more often than not, they rise far above those. There are always instances were expectations are not met --- those moments offer opportunities to revisit expectations with individuals or the whole class and even reflection for me! I believe that all children can have success and my high expectations are a reflection of that.
Gratitude
It is very surreal that in less than 3 weeks, I will begin my tenth year of this profession. I feel blessed beyond words to do something I love. I am grateful for all those tears that first year. I learned immensely from them. I also learned from all the ones since. Here is the fascinating thing about this job I love. You are never really done. One of my colleagues always tells me "when I am done learning, it will be time to retire". There is so much truth to that. There are times where it is exhausting --- the standard of excellence we are held to. One of the reasons summer is beyond spectacular is because there are not life altering decisions and expectations within every moment of the day. However, it is thrilling that I get to do something I love and make a difference. I am grateful for all the experiences of the last nine years, especially the tough ones, I know I am a better educator (and person) from them. Gratitude also comes in the form of all the little ones that I have been blessed to spend my days with. Nine years later means that my first half day kindergarten class will be entering high school this year. Where in the world did the time go? Blessings extend beyond the fact that I was able to teach children that now line the hallways from elementary schools to high schools. The biggest blessing is how spending my days with little ones has changed me throughout the years.
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