The countdown is for the children but it is also for me. Change has always and continues to be difficult and I am an adult. I think about the little ones that are dreading change, through their behavior, questions, comments, and work.
Every Friday, we work in our poetry folders to practice sight word recognition and our fluency. I could not tell you the last time I saw this little one's poetry folder. Unlike all of her peers who stuff their folders in their backpack and bring them back each Monday, she always turns her loose work into my black tray. While they were at recess on Friday, I looked at it - most teachers would be quick to point out the mistakes: how she did not follow directions completely, highlighted words that were not on our word wall as well as does not completely understand the difference between concept of words even after all our time together. And yet, it still made me smile with the utmost joy. The girl highlighted "the", even in other words, a sight word that we have been working on for the longest time! I see that as progress little one, even though most would not. I remember you walking in on the first day of school and not being able to write your name let alone tell me any of the letters in it. I just know that when she walks out the door in nine school days and goes to a new school next year, that her first grade teacher is going to be overwhelmed by all the things she does not know simply because she does not realize how far she came.
All my quiet, reserved little ones who have been randomly coming up to me during our independent work time over the last week to ask me something but suddenly forgetting that all important thing they needed to talk to me about. I know you do not need the directions repeated and I can only assume you need acknowledgement about all those emotions and feelings that are overwhelming your little bodies. I know you need that acknowledgement all throughout the year but it is at this time of the year, when our time is slowly fading away, that even harder than juggling the expectations of May becomes juggling being attentive to each of you - making you feel like you have a one-to-one teacher ratio.
A little one has told me about a month now that "I can quit talking about first grade because she is not going. She is staying with me." I see you and hear how much you dread transitioning to something new. I see you and feel your dread more than you could ever know or understand.
To the little one that has followed every single direction the very first time it was given, stays quiet most of the time, and does not like attention drawn to him. For teacher appreciation week, when you told me that my smile makes you happy, I was surprised. Over the last week, I have seen you looking at me during those independent work times, mostly when you think I am not paying attention. I always try to smile but your words were powerful in one of the most stressful months of the year. I hope I smiled enough in all those moments of stress along the way.
To the little one who keeps me on my toes during instruction, is sometimes to quick to point out my mistakes, even when there is not one, comes across argumentative, I see you and you are heard with your quick outbursts. You have taken more breaks in the last couple of weeks than throughout our time together. And yet, every day you have figured out the most random times to give me a hug or tell me you love me. Last week, when you called me out in front of the whole class about something and I told you I made a mistake and that I was having grace for myself. A little one said "you mean that Grace from Junie B." and you quickly acknowledged that I was letting myself be okay with making a mistake. We all smiled and moved on.
To the little one who is so excited about books I read with you during our whole group literacy time that you cannot wait to share them with mom, books I never realized mattered to you. I see you. It makes me wonder about the less vocal children, what mattered to them? Thank you for acknowledging every moment spent planning and finding the perfect book for each lesson.
And to the little one who is suddenly too cool to say hi during breakfast but has always found me during our dance practice for Kindergarten recognition. I see you. I know you are not a morning person, guess what, mornings are not my favorite either. There are days where I wish I had just a little bit more patience for you during some of our interactions. I see how far you have come - from hiding underneath a table at the beginning of the year when you were told no or did not get your way. I am not ready to let you go.
The truth is while the class roster changes and you essentially let them move onto first grade, you never really let them go. Tomorrow is Senior recognition day in my district and while my first group of littles are in high school, we have a couple more years before they are Seniors. I think of them often at this point in the year - how I made so many mistakes that year not for lack of trying but when I look at the littles that I have had this year and all the ones the years before, through the challenges and successes that I am always more equipped to handle the dynamics of what will be waiting in August. So in 9 days, I will let the littles leave room 29 with a little piece of my heart in exchange for a small piece of theirs.
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