Truth & Teaching

Everyone wants to talk about teacher pay and raises, and that's fine and dandy but I'd also like to talk about the budget and revenue short falls.  Because do I think the teacher pay in Oklahoma matters, absolutely, but I also think the circumstances in which our state is asking us to teach matters too, if not more.  Those teacher shortages are related to pay but they are also related to the budget.  As I write this, I could not even begin to tell you the numbers and I do not know the answer either, maybe that's why I didn't last as an accounting major despite the number of business hours on my transcript upon graduation.  I do know my classroom though and for the last two years, I know the number of children in my classroom, 25.  

Same number of children but slightly different circumstances, last year I began the year with 22, built my little community and most of the time, we had 24 little learners. Six weeks out from the end of the year, we welcomed number 25.  Finishing the year with 25 is slightly different than starting with that many.

I spent the summer praying for little ones who I had yet to know names of and prepared for 30, fully expecting to be happy if my year began with 25.  We started with 24 and welcomed 25 just last week.  Before I continue, let me preface this to say as I write this, I cannot imagine room 29 without a single one of them.  They have big personalities and big emotions and we have so, so far to go before May but I love every single one of them and the community we are building.  I believe they are mine for a reason and I will work my tail off building a community that embraces all of them, our flaws and our strengths but all the while thinking the state is asking too much of me.  A state that has really high expectations for me as an educator while the people making decisions that directly impact my classroom and my students are failing everyone involved.

A picture of one of my favorite little ones, my youngest nephew exploring a dollie.  When I think about education in Oklahoma, class sizes, budget cuts, etc.  He is never far from the picture.  Every little one deserves a teacher who can carry the load that they are given in any year.  

Everyone has an opinion about class size.  Some wonder if it really matters.  Some might even say those really great teachers, it should not matter.  But here I am telling you from personal experience that it absolutely matters, it matters to them and it matters to me.  I have done this for 12.25 years and with a variety of needs and class sizes. When I look at this group, I cannot help but be disappointed for them, it's a lot for me (and someone somewhere is going to say here's just another teacher complaining) but it's a lot for them too. When I say wait, I mean it a bit more this year.  Just a couple of weeks ago, as my patience was stretched because every single one of them wants to sit by me at closing meeting and only two can, I had to be so honest with them.  "There just isn't enough of me." "Wouldn't it be nice if there was one Mrs. Pogue for every five of us?" "Forget that, how about one for each of us." Out of the mouth of babes, so we have resorted to pulling sticks for taking turns to sit by their teacher.  I have one little one who is still struggling with that and so I just broke down one day on the way home because it doesn't feel like I am meeting her needs or teaching her how to self regulate but at the same time, I am asking these littles for Grace for myself.  I didn't make choices that led us here, neither did my district but here we are.  Oklahoma, this one is yours. 

Here I sit with one of my tools to help the little ones wait is a picture of myself on a first...then task card.  It seems simple but...

I finished my assessment for the end of the nine weeks last week and so I know with all my experience through the years, I can juggle the academics. I don't know how but we'll get there. I can plan for the finish line so easily but the academics are not what scares me, it's the education of their hearts that really bothers me.  I'm always wanting more for all of them, for the ones who do not get it at home, for the ones that always sit quietly and wait patiently, and for this group who does not know this is normal.  Class size matters to every, single, one of them.  

I feel stretched beyond measure most days and have struggled with how to be my best so I can do my best for them. Here's another thing that really eats at my heart, this isn't my first rodeo. I worry about those first year teachers who haven't seen how much a little one can change and grow in one year because of the cultivation of a relationship with their teacher. 

In the teacher world, relationships with students and families is harped upon as being the biggest predictor of success. I know it, I believe it. I just don't know if I live and work in a state that does. A pay raise would be welcomed but a state that invests in it's children through it's budget and class size is also an investment that needs to be looked into. 

The days are long right now but sometimes on the hardest days you get love notes "I luf Ms. PK = I love Mrs. Pogue".  The teacher in me thanks how sweet for one minute then looks at all the phonetic things this note tells me about this child's development.  Three o'clock rolls around and while our contract time might expire, we're usually thinking about what's next for the little ones, 25 of them means that our minds are constantly thinking about how there are 25 personalities, 25 different literacy learners, 25 different mathematicians...and 25 different hearts and on and on.

I love picture books.  I am guilty of telling the little ones during a book introduction "this is one of my favorites" then later in the year they will call me on it by saying "you have so many favorites".  This year, one of the books we read was I Wish You More then we established our wishes for Kindergarten.  As I am helping the children in my class think about what their wishes (hopes and dreams) are for our year, I was thinking about my own - my wishes for this class and for education in Oklahoma.  I just wish for more...and I think every little one deserves someone who wishes that for them.